yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
