Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
