I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
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Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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