I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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