I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
