My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
