hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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