drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
