I forgot how hot balto sounded
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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