So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
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