70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
