this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
He kissed a someone with a penis
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
