I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
