I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
