You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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