I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
