dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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