Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
