I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Randomize
