Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
