Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
