If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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