I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
