i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
