That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
