i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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