I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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