Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
