Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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