In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Randomize
