:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
