Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
