woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize