So drunk its hurt
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
