Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
