is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
