i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
