I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
