Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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