who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
