Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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