I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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