just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm bleeding and have questions
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