Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
