dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
