OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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