I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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