Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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