her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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