i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I think my vagina is haunted
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Randomize
