all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
