Don't make out with my wife yet
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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