please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
