last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
