Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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