My nipple is on Facebook.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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