it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
My bed smells like the plague
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
