Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
