When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
