Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
We had to coat check the pizza.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
