i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
