My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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