If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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