the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
