tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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