You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
