dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
