Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
