I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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