i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
