Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
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