And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
