It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
