nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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