Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize