The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
