It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Girls should come with a carfax report
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
